My New Year's Resolution?

It's been quite a while since I wrote.  I went through quite a depressing time before Christmas.  It seems all I could do was cry.  I called the cancer center twice, and Debbie, Dr. Roque's nurse, ended up telling me that Dr. Roque wanted me to see a psychologist.  At the time I agreed, but I felt an uneasiness about it.

Christmas Day we came to Oklahoma, and I have had a wonderful trip.  I've felt loved and accepted by those whose homes I've stayed in.  And my pain level has been tolerable.

Last Sunday Doug and I went to Unity MBC.  We had spent the night with Doug's mother thinking, that although she's been sick with the shingles,  she would gladly go to church with her son.  We were wrong.  She said she wouldn't go because of the walker.  We didn't question her, but I wonder if it was a pride issue.  Anyway, when she said she wouldn't go, Doug and I planned to attend Trinity BC, the church Scott attended when he went to ECU.

Granny told me that morning that she wanted us to put her offering in the plate at Unity, so Unity is where we went.  I now know that I was supposed to hear the sermon the pastor preached that day.  He spoke on temptation and how satan knows our weak spot and he will try every single time at that area to tear us down.  My weak area is depression, and I know that if I spend time in God's Word and pray, I won't be depressed…well, that's a bit over simplified, but I also know that I haven't been spending time praying and reading my Bible as I should.  Bottom line is that I'm not going to go to the psychologist.  I've tried secular counselors twice before with a negative result.  But I'm also scared about going back home.  When I'm at someone else's house, I don't have to worry or think about my problems.  At home, that's all I do.  So I'm scared.

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, but I must try to be more faithful in reading God's Word and talking to Him.  I do love the Lord with all my heart, but I get so wrapped up in the material things that I can see, touch, smell, and taste that God drifts far from my thoughts.  And I've got to get better at depending on Him moment by moment and talking to Him more often.  And I most definitely have to read His Word more faithfully.

So hopefully, next time I'm on, I won't be down in the dumps or crying.  Let's see what happens.