My Lesson from BSF . . . by proxy

I wanted to go to BSF today, but I needed to stay home, as I slept most of the day.  Late this afternoon, my dear friends Pam and Martie dropped by.  Pam brought my BSF lesson by and Martie joined us to visit.  They shared with me about the lecture today.  Lori, our teaching leader, is FANTASTIC at sharing God's Word and bringing the application.  As she has told us numerous times, "I did not want to be the teaching leader.  I told God that I had nothing to say to those women.  But God said, 'I do.'"

Anyway, back to the lesson.  We're going through the Gospel of John and we're up to chapter 5.  Jesus healed the crippled man at the pool called Bethesda.  According to Lori, Jesus asked the poor man, "What is paralyzing you?"  My NIV says, "Do you want to get well?"

 I've thought about that question ever since they left.  What if Jesus asked me, "Do you want to get well?" Would I be willing to put aside the cancer, and the attention I receive as a result of the cancer? You know, Judy, if you didn't have cancer, Doug wouldn't wait on you hand and foot.  Are you really willing to give that up?  Would I be willing to get up now that I have a really good excuse and clean my house?  Is there something I'm putting off because I don't think I'll be here long enough to complete it? (Like getting a college degree...)  Or what would I say if Jesus said to me, "What is paralyzing you [making you immovable, unwilling to get out of your comfort zone]?"  Am I immovable because I think I know the future?  Am I unwilling to be stretched spiritually?  I don't want to be.  I want to be willing to allow Jesus to do anything He wants to do with my life.  Only Jesus knows how long I have left to live.   I want to be busy doing His will up until the very end.  Is there anything that He's putting on my heart right now that I'm saying 'NO' to?  I don't think so.  I have a clear conscience.  There is nobody, that I can think of, that could point a finger at me and say, "You wronged me and never tried to make it right." 

Lord, that man at the pool had to act upon his faith.  He had to actually get up and walk.  Do I display active faith?  What do my kids see when they look at me and my spiritual walk?

Lord, draw me so close to You that I am totally and completely dependant upon You for my very sustenance.  I want You to use my life as Your channel to dispense Your love and light to everyone with whom I come in contact.  Help me not to use my illness as an excuse to disobey You or to justify bad or hurtful words coming out of my mouth.  Teach me to turn every conversation into a lesson pointing to You.  Lord, help me to be more visible in my community as opposed to staying inside my little haven.  Show my children, Lord, that my faith is a reality and that You are REAL.  Lord, I want my family, and my children in particular, to see You working in response to my literal contact with the living, invisible Lord by prayer and active faith, and as a result have them believe.  Lord, I need You in every single thing I try to do.  Help me to learn to lean in hard on You in complete surrender of my life.  I love You Lord. Amen.