Judy's Jubilant Journey

A Whole Lot to Say about Nothing…

2010-01-29T09:22:00.000-06:00

I am just not good at journaling or blogging…I'm not consistent. I didn't realize, though, that it had been two whole weeks since I've been on here. So, first thing this morning, I'm going to write something.

Nothing much exciting has been happening around our house. The pain in my rib has been pretty intense the past couple of weeks, and last week I had the equivalent of 10 radiation treatments to help with the pain. The dr. doesn't like to do so many treatments at once, but I told her I just couldn't drive 60 miles round trip for 10 days straight. So, on Monday James took me at 1:00 to have x-rays and fortunately, they were able to use the tatoos from last summer. After I went back to the waiting room for a while, they came out and said I wouldn't have my treatment until 4:30. So I sent James on to work, and let Doug know that he would need to come get me. After dozing off and on, I finally had the treatment, and "10 consecutive treatments" took about 30 minutes. I think I slept through that too. Finally, at 5:00 I was done and I was also the last patient in the clinic. So far, I haven't felt any different and the pain hasn't subsided either. The dr. said it would take effect the same as it would if I took the treatments separately. It's been 12 days now, but I can't tell that it's working. The dr. did say that there is one other kind of radiation that she can give me and it will help with pain all over and not just in my rib. It's an I.V. and it takes a while to give too. So I go back to the dr. next Friday and maybe I'll find out then what she's going to do.

Speaking of going to the dr., God just amazes me how He provides for me. Doug was going to have to take off of work to take me to the dr. He's the one, in fact, who called the dr. and re-scheduled my appointments. I was originally scheduled to go next Wednesday on the 3rd, but that's my BSF day. So he called and got the appointments scheduled back to back. (They were originally three hours apart and I was going to have to find something to occupy my time.) Well, I met a new friend at BSF and she asked me this week if she could possibly take me to the dr. Her daughter is grown, she's new to this area, and her husband is working out of town. Isn't that amazing?! I called her yestereday to tell her when my appointment is and to ask if that works with her schedule, and we had a delightful visit, and what is really neat is that she wants to remain anonymous so that God gets all the glory! Wow! What an amazing lady!

On another note, I heard that my daughter-in-law, Whitney, shattered a bowl and cut BOTH hands and had to have stitches! Poor baby… I hate having to have stitches, especially in hands. To this day, I have two horrible scars on my right hand because I wouldn't let Doug take me to the ER when I broke a glass with my hand swishing the dish rag in it, when we were first married. Talk about pain…I can't imagine how Whitney can do her hair or put on make-up or anything. I'm just so thankful this happened this year rather than last year when Eric was in Kuwait. Eric seems to stay calm in emergencies and he was home to take her to ER and calm the kids at the same time! Thank you Lord!

My mother-in-law, Peggy, came home yesterday from the hospital after breaking her hip and having surgery. My sister-in-law, Regina, was able to make it to Peggy's home before the ice storm hit that's gripping Oklahoma right now. And the hospital released Peggy at leasts 24 hours earlier than she had expected because they wanted to make sure she was safe and snug at home before the ice made her house-bound.

My mood is better than it was…both of my oncologists want me to find a psychiatrist that can regulate all my meds. After having to change the cancer meds, it messed with my anti-depressants and now we can't seem to find the right combination. But I can't seem to find a Christian psychiatrist who will see me that I can afford. So, until if or when I find a dr., at least my mood is back closer to where it should be.

One of the things that has really bothered me lately is our house. We've lived here almost eight years and haven't done any maintenance on it, other than painting about five years ago. The carpet is shot, especially thanks to Gracie and Dixie, our Yorkie and cat. This morning, Jared agreed to help me begin to work on the house, beginning with our bedroom and bathroom. We're going to paint ─ a Tiffany-type blue and we're going to put down peel-and-stick tile. We can't afford ceramic tile or laminate and definitely not hard woods. But our neighbor put down peel-and-stick tile that looks like slate (even I couldn't tell the difference!), so that's what I want to do. Doing it room by room or maybe a room a month won't kill us financially. Doug and I bought a new comforter last weekend that already has blue in it, so wha-la!

Well, this has been an awful lot of writing for nothing going on in our lives….

My Man's in San Antone…

2010-01-16T01:34:00.000-06:00

Doug drove the school bus for the Beta Club as they went to their annual convention this year in San Antonio. This is the third year he's been asked to go, but the first that he's actually been able to make the trip. I think he was excited about going; as he told me, I'm usually the one who leaves to take a trip, rarely is he the one to go. But they left at 5:30 a.m. this morning. And it makes me feel good that mothers of Beta students are happy that Doug is the one driving the bus. As one mom told me at MIT today, "One of my prayers has already been answered [that Doug was the bus driver]."

When I talked to him earlier, he had walked around the River Walk, but since it's drizzly and cool, there wasn't anybody down there. They are all staying at the Hyatt Regency Hotel and it sits right down at the River Walk and the Alamo. Tomorrow he thinks he'll venture over to the Alamo.

The convention wraps up Sunday, and he'll be home Sunday afternoon/evening.

I'm glad he's had this opportunity to get away, and I haven't dreaded this trip the way I normally dread his going away. I would love for Doug to be refreshed and come home with a new wind in his sail.

I've wondered why it is that I dread for him to go away on trips. It hasn't happened very often in our 36 years of marriage that he's gone away, but I know that I enjoy getting away every so often. I don't begrudge his getting away. I guess I just feel safer when he's here. I'm not used to being the sole responsibility bearer. I've been spoiled; I've not had to be a single mom very often in our married life. And I hope that when Doug comes home, I will remember to share with him that I am glad that he's had this opportunity to go and see something new (it's kind of pathetic that we've lived in Texas for 10 years and yet, we've never been to the state capitol [Austin], Houston, or San Antonio). And I need to also tell him that I love and appreciate his protection of us and not leaving me to shoulder the burden of raising our children by myself.

So, Doug, enjoy yourself! Eat out, see the sights, have fun but come home to us and remember that even though I'm glad you've had this opportunity, don't make traveling by yourself a habit or enjoy it too much!

A Little Catch Up

2010-01-09T17:22:00.000-06:00

Well, it didn't quite work...as soon as I walked in the door last Sunday night, a huge wave of depression hit me smack dab in the face. Monday and Tuesday were pretty bad. I stayed in bed those days and to be honest, I did need the sleep, especially Monday. But after getting up to go to BSF on Wedndesday, I felt like I should stop complaining and get on with life. But now I have what feels liike another broken rib, and I've been bed ridden most of today.

Tomorrow I think we are going up to Ada to see Granny in the hospital. Julie's baby shower is also tomorrow, and I'd love to go, but I don't think I'll be able to. I'm so happy I already finished the yellow blanket I crocheted for her, and I'll be happy to finish the green blanket I'm crocheting. I had promised to make her a baby quilt like Jesse's, but I just can't right now. I didn't have the energy to make one for Brandon, and so I just have to accept the fact, that I most likely will not be able to make a baby quilt for Julie's baby.

Doug and Shane have been gone all day today to a practice UIL performance in Princeton. I think they should probably be home shortly. As I type, I hear the "back-up bells" on the bus…they're home!

My New Year's Resolution?

2010-01-01T22:20:00.000-06:00

It's been quite a while since I wrote. I went through quite a depressing time before Christmas. It seems all I could do was cry. I called the cancer center twice, and Debbie, Dr. Roque's nurse, ended up telling me that Dr. Roque wanted me to see a psychologist. At the time I agreed, but I felt an uneasiness about it.

Christmas Day we came to Oklahoma, and I have had a wonderful trip. I've felt loved and accepted by those whose homes I've stayed in. And my pain level has been tolerable.

Last Sunday Doug and I went to Unity MBC. We had spent the night with Doug's mother thinking, that although she's been sick with the shingles, she would gladly go to church with her son. We were wrong. She said she wouldn't go because of the walker. We didn't question her, but I wonder if it was a pride issue. Anyway, when she said she wouldn't go, Doug and I planned to attend Trinity BC, the church Scott attended when he went to ECU.

Granny told me that morning that she wanted us to put her offering in the plate at Unity, so Unity is where we went. I now know that I was supposed to hear the sermon the pastor preached that day. He spoke on temptation and how satan knows our weak spot and he will try every single time at that area to tear us down. My weak area is depression, and I know that if I spend time in God's Word and pray, I won't be depressed…well, that's a bit over simplified, but I also know that I haven't been spending time praying and reading my Bible as I should. Bottom line is that I'm not going to go to the psychologist. I've tried secular counselors twice before with a negative result. But I'm also scared about going back home. When I'm at someone else's house, I don't have to worry or think about my problems. At home, that's all I do. So I'm scared.

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, but I must try to be more faithful in reading God's Word and talking to Him. I do love the Lord with all my heart, but I get so wrapped up in the material things that I can see, touch, smell, and taste that God drifts far from my thoughts. And I've got to get better at depending on Him moment by moment and talking to Him more often. And I most definitely have to read His Word more faithfully.

So hopefully, next time I'm on, I won't be down in the dumps or crying. Let's see what happens.

My Besetting Sin

2009-12-16T19:17:00.000-06:00

It's been a tough three days the first part of this week. It all started Sunday. First, I lost our tithe, and then that afternoon, while putting a few ornaments on the tree, I almost caught the house on fire. I had lit a couple of candles and one was on the coffee table with the big cardboard box that held the ornaments. Somehow, the lid scooted over the flame on the candle, and voila! flames were leaping in the air when I turned around! I tried to beat the flames out with a dust rag, to no avail. I ran, and I mean ran, to the kitchen and grabbed a pitcher, filled it with some water and threw it on the flames. The fire still wasn't out completely, so I repeated that action and finally, it was out. But…there was water all over the place and what I thought was soot on the carpet. Turns out, that I actually burned the carpet. The nylon melted. And to top that off, Gracie found a seam and loose thread, and has actually ripped out a rectangle, about 2" by 3" long. Our homeowners insurance has a $1,000 deductible, so that's out of the question, especially here at Christmas!

The stress has caused my pain level to go back up. I had been feeling so good, and yesterday I ended calling my oncologist's nurse. She assured me that stress at this time of year is common, and that stress increases pain.

And today at BSF, the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart again! We're up to John chapter 8. The religious Jews and Jesus were on completely different pages and their words (the Jews) were always aimed at trying to trip Jesus up. Lori, our teaching leader, really zeroed in on the fact that you must first be convicted of sin before you will ever go to God for forgiveness. And the Holy Spirit zinged my heart…I know something is SIN in my life when I don't tell Doug what I've done.

I have a BIG problem with spending money. I love to bargain shop, but as Doug as told me repeatedly -- it's not a bargain if you have no money! I have a tendency to think that Doug's money is our money and my disability check is my money. I cashed my disability check and took cash to pay for my new glasses and tithe. That was my first mistake.

Second, I went Christmas shopping and ended up spending more than I intended. And that's what started the past three-day slump I've been in. It wasn't the actual Christmas gifts that caused the problem; it was those extra little bargains that I came home with. I'm not going to lie and say that I should probably take those items back to the store. I love them and I won't take them back. But in the future, I am going to have to exercise discipline when it comes to shopping. I am going to have to be deliberate and limit myself as to what I spend. And I'm going to have to start looking at all income as our income. And the way I'm going to know if I've over-stepped my bounds is if I tell Doug what I've spent and show him the items I purchase.

I am going to have to be accountable. Any accountability partners available?

Thank You Lord for Answering Prayer

2009-12-13T12:21:00.000-06:00

I love the Christmas season. I couldn't always say this because I used to get so stressed out at the thought of having to buy presents with little or no extra money. But as I've grown in my spiritual walk, I've found that Jesus meant exactly what He said, "My God shall supply all your need . . . ." And Christmas isn't about the presents anyway. We get to celebrate the fact that Jesus willingly took off His crown in glory and clothed Himself in human flesh. Imagine that . . . .

And although I don't think the cancer is going to take my life anytime soon, this year has also caused me to think about going Home and seeing Jesus face-to-face. And BSF had caused me to fall deeper and deeper in love with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I think about how good He is . . . He not only saved my soul from sin and hell, He provides everything I need to live this life.

And He answers prayer!!! I've been thinking of all the prayers He's answered just this year. Probably the biggest prayer He has answered this year concerns my son Eric. This time last year Eric was only barely speaking to us. When he came home for R&R from Kuwait, the only way we got to see him was to go to his Granny's house and see him along with the rest of the extended family. But Eric told me recently that since he has become daddy to Jesse, he now realizes the importance of family. He not only facilitated the recent family meeting we had concerning my homegoing, he invited us to his home for Christmas! We are planning to go up to Oklahoma City Christmas morning and then spend that night at his and Whitney's home!

As I sat at Eric's college graduation yesterday morning, I thought about the long journey Eric's been on since he graduated from high school. I feel like Eric was in a far country and since he married Whitney, she has helped him to return from that far place. A friend of Eric's that I'd never had the privilege of meeting, named Tim, came for the graduation celebration. He and Eric carpooled back when Eric lived in Ada and worked at the Pauls Valley Wal-Mart Distribution Center. I said to Tim, "You've seen a BIG change in Eric since you met him."

"Yes," he said, "this [meaning going back to ECU] and Whitney . . . . "

Even an outsider noticed the difference Whitney has made in Eric's life. As I've said before, Whitney is the best thing that's ever happened to Eric (excluding his salvation). So as I think about my prayers that have been answered, Whitney plays a BIG part in not only bringing Eric back to us, she IS a direct answer to my prayer. I haven't always been faithful in continually praying for my sons to marry godly women, but when I have, Whitney is the consumate answer to a godly wife for Eric.

So, Lord, thank You this year especially for Whitney. Thank you for Katie and Jesse, and the privilege of being Mimi. Father, help me to be a good mother-in-law and never forget Your faithfulness. Lord, as I think of other prayer requests, help me to remember that You are a God who is faithful, never changes, delights in His children, loves to give good gifts to His children, and is more concerned with our character than our momentary "happiness."

I really don't want to talk about this, but . . .

2009-12-06T02:35:00.000-06:00

It's been a while since I've posted. Last Wednesday I came home from BSF to Scott and Brandon and James at my house. It was so good to see them, but what pleased me even more was that Eric had picked Scott and Brandon up at Dallas Love Field. In fact, Eric arranged their coming. That night all four of our older sons came together to discuss my funeral plans, but what they mainly wanted to do was to discuss how we all were going to pay for it. It just warmed my heart to think that my children wanted to help me in that way. I was so proud of them. Eric facilitated the meeting, but each present spoke their feelings. I have just never had anything to touch me like their willingness to even discuss something as uncomfortable as a funeral.

Eric assigned each of us tasks that we are to accomplish by February 1, 2010. That's when we are going to come together again--probably by way of Skype. Doug has already started on his assignment; one of the women who works in the school administration building (I think she handles employee benefits) is also a licensed funeral director and she is giving him some guidance. I had just assumed we would use the mortuary here in Celina, but she told Doug of one in McKinney that is about $3,000 less expensive! WOW! (And Vicki, as I was typing "McKinney", do you realize that McKinney is where Grandma Pevehouse [Clara] was born?! It just always amazes me that Doug lives so close to the area where his grandmother was born and we also live near Aubrey which is where her father [your and Doug's great-grandfather is buried]). Excuse that aside note if you're not Vicki. Anyway back to "the plans". We'll wait until after Christmas to do the rest of our assignment. We are to make an appointment with the funeral home and get a bottom line price. Then I am to call either AARP or the insurance company that Alec Trebec advertises and see about getting an insurance policy to cover funeral expenses.

Now even though we had this meeting and are making plans, I informed the boys the other night that I don't believe that I am going to die in the near future! I still believe that God touched my body at the Arise! Cry Out! prayer meeting I went to a few weeks ago. And my oncologist confirmed what I shared with her about that day. At my check-up last week she agreed that there is a large knot on my rib cage, but she said that that could mean healing. When calcium forms over a fracture it makes a large knot. We won't know for sure until next month when I actually have a PET scan. But I felt a strange pain after the prayer meeting in my back. It was at the location of the original metastasis in my spine, and I pictured God sucking the cancer right out of my body at that spot! I think that the PET scan will show a marked improvement over the last time. And even if the cancer isn't gone, a person can live years with cancer still in their body. And that's what I'm counting on!

It was so sweet the way the boys kept reassuring me that they wanted things done just the way I wanted them to be done. I had looked on the Internet at the Casket Store here in Dallas. They actually showed a casket that is pale pink. I loved it! That's what I would like to be buried in, since pink is my sig-na-cha cou-lah! Seriously though, I told them that I want my homegoing celebration to be just that . . . a celebration! At the moment I die physically, I will be more alive spiritually than I've ever been before! I'll be reunited with family members that have gone on before me, I'll be singing in a sweet-sounding voice, worshiping my King, and I'll be able to see Jesus face-to-face! And although I long for that day, I just don't feel it is going to happen as quickly as I did a couple of months ago. I want Jared and Whitney to sing Wonderful, Merciful Savior, and Jared is going to sing a couple of solos. I told them I want 3 - 5 songs. I love music and I know that Jesus inhabits our praise, so I know He will be present at that service.

Eric is checking into what all is involved in burying me in Oklahoma, next to Papaw and Big Grandma. Scott is checking into the cost of tombstones. I don't really have any big desires on tombstones, but we all agreed that it would be a double one. Between our names I'd like there to be a heart and our wedding date, and somehow I'd like it to also read, "Mother of Scott, James, Eric, Jared, Alyssa, Shane, Dylan, and Trent." I'd also like it to say, "She loved Jesus and being a mother."

And all that talk really made me think about the dash that will be written someday. November 2, 1955 - whatever date. The first date is my birth and the last date will be my death, but that dash represents my LIFE! What will be my legacy? What will people remember about me? What words sum up my life?

Although our family meeting was about a morbid subject, and it wasn't the most comfortable subject to talk about, we had it and it was done just the way I always picture our family to be: together as a unit, united, each part of that three-fold chord, loving each other. It was a sweet time, a poignant memory. Thanks, Eric, for having the courage and foresight to pull us together.

When You've Done It Unto the Least of These . . .

2009-11-28T10:39:00.000-06:00

As a mother, there are times when you grab those teachable moments and try with all your might to expound on God's Word and try to make your kids see what it takes to live a life that pleases God. And most of the time, I'm not sure if the teaching "caught."

One of those teachable moments happened last Tuesday on Shane's birthday. He and I ended up in an argument (on his birthday of all days!) and I tried to help him "see" a wrong attitude that I saw developing in his life. I was pretty sure I completely messed up. And then this morning, I was completely blown away by an example of the very trait I was trying to cram down his throat that day when we were having the argument!

Alyssa left this morning after spending the week with us for Thanksgiving. Alyssa had already told us that she wasn't sure she'd get to spend Christmas with us because of finances and the possibility that her job wouldn't let her have the time off. I walked into the bedroom to see her shortly before she left for the airport. She asked me if I had seen anyone in her purse since Thanksgiving Day. I told her I hadn't, but she informed me that someone had put a folded-up piece of paper in her wallet that said, "Do not throw away." When she found it, it was stapled all around the edges, and when she opened it, there was $160 in it was a note that said, "This should be enough to come home for Christmas."

We couldn't figure out whose handwriting was on the piece of paper until Doug looked at it. He said it was Shane's handwriting. Alyssa burst into tears upon hearing that, which in turn, made me cry. She said, "He even paid my way last night [when they had gone to the drive-in with friends]."

Shane denied it to Alyssa, but after she left, admitted that it was he that had put it into her wallet. "I
didn't want to make her cry."

So, my lesson about being generous toward others, especially family took root. I am so proud of Shane and his desire that his sister spend time with him.

It reminds me of when the Lord said that when we do things for others that have no way of paying us back [or college students who are just barely scraping by financially], we've done it unto the Lord. Wow! Shane, thank you for grabbing a teachable moment and teaching me about generosity. And Lord, thank You for blessing me with these children, and their siblings. My life has been so much richer because of them, and Lord, the lesson "caught"!

Thanksgiving is My Favorite Holiday

2009-11-26T21:10:00.000-06:00

We had a great Thanksgiving. There were 25 of us that gathered at the Swanson's lake house on Lake Texoma. The weather was perfect -- bright sunshine with just a little snap in the air. The house sits right on the lake, and there is a huge yard to play in. Papa and Jesse enjoyed walking down to the water, while all the younger kids played and took turns riding in the Kubota. Alyssa, Eric, and James spent some time throwing the football (in honor of the Turkey Bowls they played in while we lived in Sacramento), while Jared visited with his cousin Jennifer who also happens to be one of his very best friends! And the house is large enough that there are more than a couple of conversation pits. Across the back of the house is a wide porch with a wooden porch swing. It's the perfect spot for comtemplation, conversation, or for Uncle James to rock Jesse to sleep!

I am so proud of my niece Jennifer. She is the one who organized today's event, and not only is she a fabulous cook, she is so creative too! She made a game for us to play as a family, and I had the privilege of writing the questions to go along with the game. The questions were designed to help us get to know each other just a little bit better . . . nothing too deep, but things we might not know about each other either. Anyway, Jennifer was born shortly before Doug and I got married, and I've watched her grow up. She has grown into a fine, godly woman. She has more zest for life than just about anybody else I know. She went to college after having her three children and she graduated this past summer. She is a teacher and which ever school hires her will gain a tremendous asset. She made each of us feel welcome and this year turned out to be such a memorable Thanksgiving. As much as I enjoyed all that was planned, probably one of the most enjoyable parts was when some of my kids and I sat with Jennifer and her daughter Kayla and just visited. We reminisced, looked at old pictures, and just laughed! It was great!

Another neat part about today was watching the CD that Julie, my niece that's just younger than Jennifer, put together. Probably about two months ago, Julie asked us to loan her family pictures to make this CD. The result is outstanding! And what's even better is that Julie is having a copy made for each family. Julie put about 40 hours into the making of the CD. She even put a caption to every single picture and there are over 500 pictures total. Unfortunately, the captions didn't show up, but I can't wait to watch my copy over again and again. There are four generations represented on the CD and it tells a pictoral history of Melvin and Peggy Pevehouse and their children.

We did do something new this year. Each of us had a lunch sack on which Dylan and Trent had stenciled our names and fall decorations. Then we each wrote on slips of paper a trait we admired, a memory, or a Scripture for each of the other people present. We each left with our "bags of encouragement". I've reread mine over at least twice already. And on days in the future when I feel a little blue, I'm going to bring out my bag of encouragement and re-read what others wrote to me.

One thing that we didn't do, which Doug always leads out in when the gathering is at our home, is sharing what we're thankful for this year. And as tonight winds down, I'm going to share just a few of the highlights for which I'm thankful in 2009:

My deepening relationship with my Lord Jesus Christ
My husband
My children (Eric's coming home, in particular)
Katie, Sarah Beth, Jesse, & Brandon (my sweet grandchildren)
Reconnecting with old friends via FaceBook
Bible Study Fellowship
Moms in Touch
My extended family and reconciliation with my brother, in particular
Good doctors, medical insurance, & pain medication

It's hard to believe that the Christmas Season officially begins tomorrow. But I want to continue the "Thanksgiving Season" throughout Christmas and on into 2010. If I can learn to be more grateful for the things I do have, I believe I'll be more content and not always wanting more or better.

November 24 and Birthday Buddies

2009-11-24T12:28:00.000-06:00

Today is November 24th, Eric's and Shane's birthday! That's right, I had two babies on November 24, 13 years apart. Eric is 30 today and Shane is 17. I remember each of their births so clearly.

Eric came so fast . . . exactly two hours from the first pain til he arrived! And his personality was so evident even during his delivery. I awoke around 5:30 in the morning with an uncomfortable feeling. As soon as I got up, I began having timeable contractions. I went on to the ER and when they checked me, I wasn't dialated enough for them to send me upstairs to the Labor ward. So they told me to walk and Doug and I walked around to the hospital entrance there at the Kaiser Hospital in Hayard, CA. But when we started back to the ER, I doubled over in pain. Doug was barely able to help me back to the ER. They took one look at me and sent me upstairs to Labor and Delivery.

When we arrived upstairs, we found that all the Labor rooms were filled and that's why ER didn't want to send me upstairs. So they calmly put me on a gurney in the hallway. But Eric was determined that we were going into the delivery room next, and so he immediately started his descent down the birth canal. My water broke with a gush! I started screaming and that brought the doctor and nurses (and Doug, who was sitting out in the waiting room) in a hurry. The doctor and Doug met me at the Delivery Room doors with only their arms in their surgical gowns. I was hurriedly pushed over onto the delivery table and there wasn't even time to adjust the stirrups or mirror so that I could watch the birth! The doctor told me I could push and (I had always heard that in natural childbirth, there is immense relief when you can finally push and they were so right!!!) after one or so pushes, out Eric popped! I was so humiliated by the manner in which he was born that I needed some time just to get myself together before holding Eric for the first time. But within just a short time, I felt good enough to go home. But, of course, the hospital wouldn't allow that.

Eric has been full-steam ahead ever since that day. What ever he sets his mind to, he does. Whenever Eric decides to do something, he does it right then! Eric has always been upfront and transparent. Life with him has never been dull! And now today, tempered especially by having a son of his own, he is still full steam ahead, but now that energy has compaasion mixed in it. He now knows the importance of family and he is vocal about maintaining unity within his extended family. Eric, I've always been thankful that God entrusted you to us to raise, but now I consider you not only my son, but my friend. Happy Birthday Eric, and thank you Lord, for allowing me to be his mother.

Shane was born on a Tuesday morning, Eric's 13th birthday. When Doug and I were leaving for the hospital early that morning (my mom was at our house to get the boys ready for school and watch Alyssa), Eric stopped me and said, "Mom, you did alright! [meaning he was pleased that he would have a sibling born on his special day]

Shane was born in Duncan, Oklahoma at the hospital there. Dr. Stewart was in family practice, but he was a great doctor. After he checked me, he immediately started the epidural, and later told me that it was a good thing I didn't try have the baby natural. The cord was wrapped around the baby's neck twice and he (Dr. Stewart) was afraid that a natural birth would have meant a pro-longed labor and more stress upon Shane than would have been safe.

With Shane, my pains started at home and my water began to leak, but everything stopped while we were on our way to Duncan from Ringling, via Pinto Rd. Pinto Rd. was a cut-through from one highway to another highway on the way to the hospital, but it was in poor condition and very bumpy -- altogether a rough ride! When I got to the hospital, the nurse was aggravated that my pains had stopped [I guess that she thought I made up the supposed pains], but as soon as she began to check me, my water completely broke and ultimately, that meant I had to stay at the hospital and they couldn't send me back home. But as soon as my water broke, my pains began in earnest. And shortly after receiving the epidural, Dr. Stewart slipped the cord off of Shane's neck, and he was born.

Doug's mom and dad drove to the hospital that day and so our whole family was there! Other than Scott's birth, Shane's birth was the only other one that Doug's parents attended. It was a special day. It was two days before Thanksgiving (while Eric's was two days after Thanksgiving), but after having had a hemorrhoidectomy after Alyssa's birth, you would think that I would have been a little wiser when I couldn't figure out the immense pain I was having in that general area! I went home the next day, but on Thanksgiving Day, I went back to the ER to have my hemorrhoid lanced. I know, TMI!

Shane has been a laid-back joy. Whereas Eric weighed 8 lb, 8 oz., Shane weighed a whopping [well, at least at the time, I thought it was a whopping] 9 lb. 2 oz. He became "Shanie" to us, "Fane" to Alyssa, since she couldn't pronounce her 'S's. He started school at age four and will graduate at 17 and begin his college years before age 18. So, thank you Lord, for entrusting Shane to us 17 years ago today. He's been an immense blessing and I can't wait to see what God is going to do in his life! Happy Birthday, and we love you Shane!

Most of all, I thank you Lord, for your sense of humor in allowing me to have two November 24 birthday buddies. It's been fun, hasn't it?

A Day of Firsts and Watching God's Hand at Work . . .

2009-11-20T11:26:00.000-06:00

I just can't tell you how evident God's working has been in my life and that of my family's this week. I really think God touched my body in some miraculous way last Saturday at the MIT prayer rally. I have felt better this week than I have in ages. And yesterday I did something I haven't done in a few months. I actually drove to Sherman. I had to go to the cancer center to pick up my pain patches. Everything went fine until I was driving south, out of Gunter, on my way home. The car began making a knocking sound and I looked in the rear view mirrors to see if I could see anything, and about that time, the car began to bounce. I had a flat tire. I eased off the gas and coasted to the shoulder. But when I got out of the car, I found that I hadn't just had a flat tire, I had had a blow out! The tire blew straight out the side and it was smoking! God's angels had spared my experiencing a blow out that could have caused me to wreck the car!

I stood there on the shoulder of Hwy 289, calling Doug at the school, when a red pick-up pulled up behind me. A young man got out, and said, "Do you need some help, Ma'm?"

"I'm calling my husband. He works up at the high school."

"Well, if it isn't Mrs. Pevehouse!

Do I know this guy? He must be safe if he knows my name. And he's so young.

"Mrs. Pevehouse, I'm Dylan's youth leader."

Now I know you. "Hi, Nick!" He walked over to me and hugged me as I was saying, "You're my angel!!!"

Doug, in the meantime, told me that I had called at the worst possible time, but if there was someone there to help me . . . . Poor Doug. I scared him to death when he found out that I had driven to Sherman! "Why didn't you tell me you were going to Sherman?!" Because I knew you'd tell me no; don't go to Sherman by yourself!"

Anyway, Nick changed the flat. He put the do-nut on and I went on to pick Trent up from school and the rest of the day was uneventful.

Then yesterday afternoon/early evening, my friend, Tamy, the one I'd gone to the movies with on Monday night, called and she had so been looking forward to going to see New Moon, the new vampire movie. She had bought premier tickets for 12:01 a.m. this morning about a month ago. Well, she informed me, she was going to have to go all by herself. Now I'm not a Twilight fan, but like I told Tamy, she is my friend and I did not want her to have to go by herself and stand or sit by who knows who. So for the first time in my life, I went to a movie showing at midnight! And if that wasn't enough, Tamy taught me how to text while we were sitting in the theater waiting for midnight to roll around!

We didn't get home until 3:00 this morning (and Doug was getting up to start his day), but it was worth it! I feel like I'm in the know a little more with my chldren's generation. I'm a "lucky duck" because I got to go see New Moon, and my daughter is so proud of me for learning to text! All in all, I'd say it was a pretty good day!

Please, Climb In, Lord . . .

2009-11-17T20:37:00.000-06:00

I am feeling really down. Pain has come back and I can't make amends with the one I hurt yesterday. I hate the enemy and his insideous ways. I was feeling so good and then WHAM! It was like dominoes falling . . . . If I don't do something to stop this line of thinking, I'll be so down in the dumps by morning that I won't even want to go to BSF.

The Psalmist David said, "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me . . . Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me." (Psalm 51:10, 12) Create is the Hebrew word barra which means "to create out of nothing." God will create a pure heart in me out of nothing that's within me. Everything within me is as filthy rags. God is pure, true, good, gentle, clean, perfect, and so the pureness that He places in me is really Himself. As believers, we have the Holy Spirit within us from the moment of salvation, but He is the perfect Gentleman, and He never pushes Himself onto me or overpowers me for control. I must allow Him freedom to act within my life. Looking back to yesterday, I should have surrendered myself to the Holy Spirit when I first heard the phone ring and saw who was on the other end. I should have made a conscious decision to, "be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to get angry."

David went on to say, "Renew a steadfast spirit within me." I so want a steadfast spirit versus an emotional life that's up and down like a roller coaster. Jesus is Who gives me stability. On my own, my emotions are worse than the Texas Giant.

The Apostle John told me that "greater is He who is within me, than he that is without." If I will surrender, the Lord Jesus Christ will give me the power to remain on an even keel. I don't want my children to remember me as a high-maintenance mother/grandmother who was jealous, spiteful, and hateful, given to moods. I want them to remember me as a godly woman; a [woman] after God's own heart.

I want God to restore the joy of His salvation, that same joy I felt on Saturday after God met with me in such a magnificent way. David went on to ask God to, "renew a willing spirit to sustain him." That's what I need God. I need a willing spirit. Willing to allow You to be in charge, willing to accept things that aren't to my liking, willing to allowing You to scrape the dross off that accumulates on my life. That willing spirit will sustain me or keep me going. Sustain me during times of temptation and trials.

Lord, would you please clamp Your hand over my mouth before I say derogatory things about another family member? Well, if a hand is not available, would you at least cause that still, small voice to speak in such a way that I will remember tonight and the angst I feel down deep inside because I was so wrong yesterday? And even though I get fighting mad when someone messes with my family, would you please help me not to assume another's offense, thereby making it my own?

David went on to say in Psalm 51:13, "Then will I teach transgressors Your ways . . . ." Only after David was restored to a right relationship with the Lord was he able to be used by God in Kingdom work. And the light bulb goes off in my head now: the reason I've been out of sorts is because I haven't been in close fellowship with the Lord today. Lord, I am so sorry because I offended You yesterday with my words. 1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Aw, Lord, the sweetness of fellowship with You. Lord, that loved one that won't return my call, is in Your hands. I will try to contact them again, and Lord, will you soften their heart? Will you help them to know my words were coming from a mother's heart?

Just like when You got in the boat with the disciples when they fought so hard against the wind, I need to remember that You don't always take the storm away, but You're always with me during the storm. You never promised me a life free from problems, whether that problem is cancer, family problems or anything else. But You are always with me in my problems. And You will climb in my boat anytime I invite You in.

When Will I Ever Learn?!

2009-11-16T12:19:00.000-06:00

When will I ever learn?! My tongue, and the words that just seem to roll off it, is my besetting sin, and no matter how much I try to control it, I'm powerless. I can't do it, only the Holy Spirit can contol it.

I had a phone call just a few minutes ago, and when I saw on caller ID who it was, I prayed for wisdom. But I obviously didn't pray hard enough or I didn't listen to that still, small voice. Because the conversation turned ugly in a hurry. How do you learn to confront evil when it first happens in a kind, gracious way and not let it fester, until when it blows, it spews out hurt, anger, guilt, and every other negative emotion?

I picked up someone else's offense, I allowed my built-in mother-protectiveness to get out of control, and I damaged my relationship with someone I love. I'm a mess, Lord. I warned the boys just this morning that the devil is real, alive, and well and that he schemes to destroy us. I should have known that he would attack with a vengeance since I had exposed his ways to three, young, vulnerable lives.

Lord, I'm bringing my mess to You, yet again. I'm laying it at Your feet, asking You to do what only You can do . . . straighten out the damaged relationships and remove the sting from words that maybe should have been said earlier or maybe not at all. I don't know right now. I know You can redeem good from evil. I'm asking that You heal the rift I've caused with that person who means so much to me. Show us what Your will is concerning the person whose offensive I took on. I (we) need You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Arise! Cry Out!: A Worldwide Day of Extraordinary Prayer for Children & Schools

2009-11-14T19:27:00.000-06:00

Wow! What can I say . . . today was a life-changing day for me! I went to a Moms in Touch telecast called Arise! Cry Out! I received teaching on prayer today that I have never heard before in my life. I learned how to actually put on the full armour of God before starting my day. And I learned the importance of corporate prayer and worship!

Moms in Touch (MIT) celebrated their 25th anniversary this year! MIT started in Fern Nichols' living room with five other women in California in 1984. And Fern was the Master of Ceremonies today. She is an absolute hoot! But she is so in love with Jesus, and I want to have that same passion for Jesus that she does. Today that vision Fern had back in 1984 has grown to 1600 countries where MIT has an active organization. Ordinary moms commited to meeting once a week to pray for their children, their children's schools, and the faculty and staff at each school. Ordinary moms praying to an extraordinary God!

Eleven of us gathered this morning at First Baptist Church, Celina, to watch a video of the actual prayer day held last month in Poway, California. Today there were over 700 MIT groups, like ours, across the world praying . . . bombarding God's throne on behalf of our children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, future descendants and "foster" children -- children whose moms never pray for them.

Fern started with Scripture reading: Revelation 7:9-10 Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb and Psalm 20:3: We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the LORD grant all your requests. It was so thrilling to see women from 16 countries (the Country Coordinators and International Regional Directors) stand and openly praise Jesus in their native tongue. It made me think of the coming day in heaven when people from all different races will stand before God's holy throne and worship Him forever and ever.

We then went through times of Praise, Confession, Thanksgiving, and finally Intercession. Scripture reading was interspersed throughout, with times for small group sharing/praying and times for us to worship our King through song. A special prayer time, for me, was when Kristy, our MIT leader on Friday mornings, said she wanted to have a special time of prayer for me. I have never felt more loved or more empowered through prayer as I did today. We also enjoyed a special message by the pastor of the church where the telecast was filmed. His name is Miles MacPherson and he was a professional football player for the San Diego Chargers. He was a hoot too! But even though his style is comical, his message was straight from God's Word. He talked about the Tower of Babel and this amazing truth: In Genesis 11:6, God said, " If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them." If a pagan people who were commited to a common goal, were harmonious in their thinking, and God said that nothing was impossible for them to accomplish, how much more would that be true if it's God's people, commited to Him, in one accord with a common goal, find that nothing was impossible for them in prayer! He shared three reasons why corporate prayer is so important.

Corporate prayer offsets corporate opposition. Ephesians 6:10
Corporate prayer ensures comprehensive prayer. 1 Corinthians 2:9
Corporate prayer empowers the person praying. Galatians 6:2

And Miles closed with a profound truth; one that I don't think I'd ever thought about before. Pray FROM a frame of reference of victory, not FOR victory. Think about it . . . Jesus has already won the victory and we are children of the King. We don't have to ask for victory, He's already given us victory. The sad thing is is that some of us don't realize we've already gotten the victory!

We ended the four hour program of prayer and fasting by praying individual Scriptures over our children by name. We broke up into groups of two and we were able to read every Scripture and insert our chldren's names into the blanks. It was wonderful and freeing!

So thank You Lord for allowing me to be Your daughter. You accept me just the way I am, but You love me too much to allow me to remain that way. Fern had us visualize Jesus cupping our face in His hands and it was so comforting and real. His love is tender, incomprehensible, never-ending, so vast, and He showed it to me by dying for me. His precious blood flowed over me, filling every nook and cranny, washing me thoroughly from my sin. And because of what He has done, I am perfect in His righteousness. I can come boldly into His very throne room and ask whatever I desire. Of course, my desire must line up with His plan if I'm to receive the answer I want. But just imagine, the Creator of the universe invites me to be in relationship with Him. He willingly adopted me into His family, His body. Lord, let me never be the same. And never let me forget what I learned today.

My chains are gone, I've been set free,

My God, My Savior, has ransomed me,

And like a flood, His mercy flows,

Uunending love, Amazing grace . . .

Let the Healing Begin

2009-11-13T13:14:00.000-06:00

As I shared in responding to Vicki's comment to last night's post, God revealed Himself to me this morning. I've secretly blamed Doug as being the reason that God hasn't shown up in our financial difficulties. John 14:21 says, " Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show [reveal] myself to him." I was so certain that the reason God hasn't revealed Himself to us in our finances, is because Doug hasn't been faithful about tithing out of his check. However, God showed me that my attitude and lack of respect for my husband has been disgusting and disgraceful. I have secretly harbored the idea that my disability check is my money and Doug's checks are our money. And I've been so faithful that I even take my tithe out in cash to give at church. (Doesn't that attitude just stink?!) The Lord let me know that just maybe the reason we have never seemed to get it together financially is because I have never respected my husband the way God expects me to. So Lord, thank You for speaking to me, and I know that on my own, that is in my flesh, I cannot respect Doug. So I ask You to take over and I will be obedient and allow Doug to take my check to the bank, keep the tithe out [whether it's in cash or by check], and pay bills as he sees fit [and not expect to have mad money to do with as I please]. Lord, I love You, and thank You again for drawing more dross out of this filthy-rag body. Amen

It's a Vicious Cycle

2009-11-12T23:09:00.000-06:00

Today has been a blah kind of day . . . nothing great, nothing bad. I didn't have the energy to get up and take a shower; I slept off and on all day long. When I stay in bed, it's a double-edged sword. I get to try and catch up on my rest, but I get depressed because nothing gets done around the house. I have no energy to do anything, and yet, the house continues to get dirtier and messier. The disarray in the house has become such a major thing with me. I think back to how I used to keep the house so clean, and I look at it now and I just feel disgust. It's almost as if it's too far gone now to ever get really clean again. And add to that, we now have a dog and a cat in the house to add to the mess and odors.

When we used to move every couple of years there was a good side to that. At least the house got a deep cleaning every two years. But we've lived in Celina in this house for seven years now--longer than anywhere Doug and I have ever lived since we've been married. I would love to be able to move now. Maybe the excitement of packing things up would be the motivation I need to get up and do something! We need a major elimination of stuff . . . but what do you get rid of? Everything has either sentimental value or a memory attached to it.

I lay in bed, watching HGTV and DIY on T.V., and those shows make the whole process of home improvement look so easy. I could do that . . . I could lay tile on the floor or on the counter. Or I could paint my rooms stage them as easily as Lisa La Porta does. I have as good of taste as any of those decorators. But realistically, I don't think I could paint a room anymore. And if I started, I'm not sure I could finish the project. If someone were to offer me one golden wish I think it would be to have a home-makeover, both inside and out. Something absolutely stunning, but low maintenance.

And as I lie there thinking, my mind makes this great big cycle. When most people get to our age, they're more or less set financially for life. I was chatting with a girl I graduated with last night on FaceBook. She married a guy in our class and they were married 30 something years until he died suddenly this past March. She left the Bay Area and moved to Bowling Green, Kentucky because she couldn't take the fast pace of the Bay Area. I made the comment that at least she had the blessing of being able to leave the fast pace and she told me that her husband was in the banking business and he left her fairly comfortable. They bought her husband a Corvette back a few years ago and they went to Bowling Green where the plant is where they make the cars. They loved the area so much that they bought a second home there. That amazes me. Where did Doug and I go wrong? I don't believe in a health and wealth gospel, but we have always tithed and we just haven't made the right choices or something. We live from paycheck to paycheck. Nothing put away for the future and Doug will not be able to continue as he does now, forever.

Not going to college and getting my degree and insisting that Doug get his is probably my biggest regret in life. And yet, I wouldn't trade my children for anything. Scott is living his life of significance with great results, but if I had gone to school first, he more than likely wouldn't be here today.

That vicious thought cycle goes on to the fact that Doug isn't pastoring anymore. God called him into vocational ministry, but he's not doing that. We can't go back into the ABA if we wanted to, but no other group of churches will give Doug the time of day because he didn't go to an accredited seminary. I would be willing to suck it up, and do whatever it would take to get back into the good graces of the powers that be in the ABA. But Doug has no interest in doing that. I've prayed until I don't know what else to do. It's as if God is completely silent and unmoveable when it comes to Doug's ministry. And I don't understand that. If God called him (and Doug has assured me that God did indeed call him), then why won't He open up a church for Doug to pastor?

The cycle goes around and round and to sum it all up is that I feel a disappointment with my life. I watched a T.V. program tonight on Reba McIntire on Biography. She and I are the same age. The program listed all of her accomplishments and praised her for all she's done. What have I done except produce eight children? I've always said I want my children to supercede anything I may do, but does that mean that just having children is my only legacy? I don't feel that our children look up to us . . . we haven't done anything that would cause them to.

I hope that God changes my disappointments, regrets, our financial mistakes and all these entail before I die. I know that in comparison with eternity that these things have no eternal value. I know that I can't take anything with me, but I sure would like to leave something behind for my kids.

My Lesson from BSF . . . by proxy

2009-11-11T22:14:00.002-06:00

I wanted to go to BSF today, but I needed to stay home, as I slept most of the day. Late this afternoon, my dear friends Pam and Martie dropped by. Pam brought my BSF lesson by and Martie joined us to visit. They shared with me about the lecture today. Lori, our teaching leader, is FANTASTIC at sharing God's Word and bringing the application. As she has told us numerous times, "I did not want to be the teaching leader. I told God that I had nothing to say to those women. But God said, 'I do.'"

Anyway, back to the lesson. We're going through the Gospel of John and we're up to chapter 5. Jesus healed the crippled man at the pool called Bethesda. According to Lori, Jesus asked the poor man, "What is paralyzing you?" My NIV says, "Do you want to get well?"

I've thought about that question ever since they left. What if Jesus asked me, "Do you want to get well?" Would I be willing to put aside the cancer, and the attention I receive as a result of the cancer? You know, Judy, if you didn't have cancer, Doug wouldn't wait on you hand and foot. Are you really willing to give that up? Would I be willing to get up now that I have a really good excuse and clean my house? Is there something I'm putting off because I don't think I'll be here long enough to complete it? (Like getting a college degree...) Or what would I say if Jesus said to me, "What is paralyzing you [making you immovable, unwilling to get out of your comfort zone]?" Am I immovable because I think I know the future? Am I unwilling to be stretched spiritually? I don't want to be. I want to be willing to allow Jesus to do anything He wants to do with my life. Only Jesus knows how long I have left to live. I want to be busy doing His will up until the very end. Is there anything that He's putting on my heart right now that I'm saying 'NO' to? I don't think so. I have a clear conscience. There is nobody, that I can think of, that could point a finger at me and say, "You wronged me and never tried to make it right."

Lord, that man at the pool had to act upon his faith. He had to actually get up and walk. Do I display active faith? What do my kids see when they look at me and my spiritual walk?

Lord, draw me so close to You that I am totally and completely dependant upon You for my very sustenance. I want You to use my life as Your channel to dispense Your love and light to everyone with whom I come in contact. Help me not to use my illness as an excuse to disobey You or to justify bad or hurtful words coming out of my mouth. Teach me to turn every conversation into a lesson pointing to You. Lord, help me to be more visible in my community as opposed to staying inside my little haven. Show my children, Lord, that my faith is a reality and that You are REAL. Lord, I want my family, and my children in particular, to see You working in response to my literal contact with the living, invisible Lord by prayer and active faith, and as a result have them believe. Lord, I need You in every single thing I try to do. Help me to learn to lean in hard on You in complete surrender of my life. I love You Lord. Amen.

I Can't Believe It -- No Blockages!

2009-11-10T18:35:00.000-06:00

I'm home now from the hospital. I had made up my mind while in the hospital that I was going to go to BSF tomorrow. But after only riding home, I'm pooped, and what would I be proving if I pushed myself to go tomorrow? Those are the kind of things I'm trying to learn from . . . not being pig-headed just for the sake of stubbornness. I'm praising the Lord that the dr. didn't find any blockages (at least not a great enough percentage of blockage anyway) during the heart catherization this morning. Because of my high cholesterol/triglycerides, I truly expected the dr. to find at least one blockage. Now I can rest easy, knowing that at least that is one thing I don't have to be concerned about.

Sunday morning I was sitting in church, listening to Craig preach, when all of a sudden, there was a terrible pain/pressure in my chest, radiating from my back. And then what really scared me was that I experienced a horrible pain on each hinge of my lower jaw, running from back to front and back. I had heard somewhere that pain in your jaw indicates heart issues. And they confirmed in the ER that pain in jaws is the most common side effect in women of heart issues. I got extremely agitated and popped an aspirin in my mouth and chewed it up. Good move--the aspirin acts like a blood thinner and keeps the platelets from sticking together and causing clots. If there were a small blockage, that would thin the blood enough to pump it over and around the clot to all areas of my heart. Thank You Lord for impressing me to do just that. The pain slowly subsided, but my face got really hot (as well as all parts of my body for a short time). When Jared came over, I began to get emotional and that kept up even after I got to Wilson N. Jones. The ER nurse called me back, rather loudly I might add, and when she began to ask me about my symptoms, she "talked" extremely loud too. I began to cry as I asked her not to yell at me. She was stunned and began to justify her actions--"Well, we take chest pain seriously here."

I told her that was fine, but to please not yell at me as she was asking. Of course, as she relayed this to the other ER nurses, she was much kinder and asked them to take good care of me. The WNJ ER team was extremely efficient and my blood was pressure was high: 183/102 or something like that. I normally have very good blood pressure and so Dr. Roque decided to admit me. Yesterday morning, when she came to see me, I asked her something along these lines, "With my medical history of mestatic breast cancer in my bones, do you think I'm too far gone to be bothered "fixing" something else in my body (such as a blockage) or not?

And she said, "No, you're not too far gone." Thank you Dr. Roque! I am so thankful I have medical insurance and good doctors and Medicare. God has provided, yet, again.

Do I Stink?

2009-11-07T20:33:00.000-06:00

Dylan made an astute observation tonight at the Fish Fry. He said, "All these ladies claim to be your friends. Yet, none of them will sit by you." Well, Dylan, I've wondered the same thing. I told Dylan that I've gotten to the point where it doesn't hurt my feelings any more, but was I really telling him the truth when I said that? I don't want to sound like I'm whining, but I've asked myself what it is about me that causes people, women who claim to love me girlfriend, not to want to be with me at social events. Do I not try hard enough? You would think that cliques shouldn't cause a woman my age any concern . . . but they do, and they cause those same insecurities I had as a teenager to pop right up front and center! And what's really funny is that just yesterday one of those very women who wouldn't sit by me tonight said to me as we were talking about cliques, " . . . do I stink?" Makes me wonder . . . .

2009-11-07T15:05:00.000-06:00

We're off to the Quarterback Club Fish Fry/Auction in a couple of hours. I'm tired today, and my pain is about a level 3 and so that's do-able. We are so blessed to have wonderful friends in Celina.

Dr. Roque upped my Fentanyl pain patch to 75 mcg this past week and recommended that I take Aleve along with it. It's not working great, but I'm dealing with it.

Obedience . . . That's What Matters

2009-11-07T13:27:00.001-06:00

I started a blog a couple of years ago, and then deleted it. I'm too old to "blog." But the Lord has been prodding me about journaling the past few years. And I haven't been obedient. But this morning I went to First Baptist, Celina, to hear a sweet lady give her testimony and she said that blogging basically saved her sanity. She, too, has never been good at journaling, but the blog gives her a place to chronicle her journey with small-gut disease. During her talk, the Lord told me that I needed to go back to blogging. And it doesn't matter if anyone reads it, but I'm going to be obedient this time. I would like to leave a journal that my kids can pick up and read later on. I want them to know that I have bad days as well as good days, but through it all, God is faithful, and that's the message I want to leave with them after I'm gone. So if you'd like to come along with me on this "journey," you're welcome. If you have any tips for me, feel free to leave them. But don't be critical of me . . . let me be me. I want this blog to be a place where I can be real.